[Seeing Nill relax, Yosuke finally let his weight rest on the pillows again, and sank into them with relief. He hadn't even been sitting forward, just tensing his spine a bit and partially holding his head up, and even that was just...exhausting.]
[Were his eyes watering again? Crap. That's so annoying. It must just be from bumping his still healing nose during all the chaos or something. Obviously. 'Cause he's definitely not crying.]
[No way in hell is he crying. Except that something kicks its way forcefully out of his chest and up his throat -aw man, is he going to puke? He really doesn't want Nill-san to see him puke. Ever. It's one thing for Uryuu or the doctor to watch, but a very different thing for Nill to-oh.]
[It's not vomit at all. It's a strangled, scared sound that he almost doesn't recognize through the stress and the exhaustion and the drug haze. But when it sinks in, he's even more miserable than he would be if he'd puked instead. He makes the sound again. Can't stop. Bends forward with the force of it and gurgles with the strain of trying to swallow the noises before someone hears. Before Nill hears...]
[No. Shit. SHIT. He is crying. And not just crying, either. Crying like Saki sempai died all over again. Crying like he was the night when the monster in the darkness with his face attacked him. Crying like the world is broken, and everything hurts and nothing can fix any of it. Totally sobbing, like a scared, miserable, heartbroken kid who just woke up from a nightmare and realized it had actually happened.]
[It's not stress or frustration or exhaustion like it was the other time Nill saw him upset. It's all of those things, and more. It's pain and pain and fear and loathing and misery and anxiety and anger. He's so furious he can't even wrap his mind around the feeling of it. He just bawls, hopelessly. Everything hurts, right down to the four corners of his soul. And there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]
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[Were his eyes watering again? Crap. That's so annoying. It must just be from bumping his still healing nose during all the chaos or something. Obviously. 'Cause he's definitely not crying.]
[No way in hell is he crying. Except that something kicks its way forcefully out of his chest and up his throat -aw man, is he going to puke? He really doesn't want Nill-san to see him puke. Ever. It's one thing for Uryuu or the doctor to watch, but a very different thing for Nill to-oh.]
[It's not vomit at all. It's a strangled, scared sound that he almost doesn't recognize through the stress and the exhaustion and the drug haze. But when it sinks in, he's even more miserable than he would be if he'd puked instead. He makes the sound again. Can't stop. Bends forward with the force of it and gurgles with the strain of trying to swallow the noises before someone hears. Before Nill hears...]
[No. Shit. SHIT. He is crying. And not just crying, either. Crying like Saki sempai died all over again. Crying like he was the night when the monster in the darkness with his face attacked him. Crying like the world is broken, and everything hurts and nothing can fix any of it. Totally sobbing, like a scared, miserable, heartbroken kid who just woke up from a nightmare and realized it had actually happened.]
[It's not stress or frustration or exhaustion like it was the other time Nill saw him upset. It's all of those things, and more. It's pain and pain and fear and loathing and misery and anxiety and anger. He's so furious he can't even wrap his mind around the feeling of it. He just bawls, hopelessly. Everything hurts, right down to the four corners of his soul. And there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]