reassures | SIRENSPULL

[Nill doesn't quite understand why that's embarrassing for him. It was just getting something, wasn't it? It wasn't that big a deal.]

Is licorice that bad?

[After a moment though Nill spots the bag of lozenges and picks it up, fishing around inside it to find a cherry one. While unwrapping it;] Are you sure you don't want to get some sleep instead?

Tastes like plants.

[No need to answer that last one, right? Don't make him sleep yet...]

Plants are supposed to be good for you.

[Right? ...honestly she doesn't know too much about nutrition. And she's less worried about him not resting enough, and more him falling asleep and choking on the lozenge. But she lifts it and gestures for him to open his mouth so she can drop it in.]

Eeeeugh, exactly.

[Its an odd shy moment for him, when he opens his mouth for Nill to put the lozenge in. If Gilbert were feeding him something, he'd just hope the guy's hands were clean. But from Nill, the gesture seems sweet and oddly intimate. He glances out the window.]

[She doesn't follow your logic Yosuke. You're supposed to be getting better!

kgjdhjh don't be shy about this, geeze. It doesn't occur to her that it should be strange to help with this until he makes it seem strange, and then her cheeks go red again. She pops the lozenge into his mouth, and immediately pulls her hand back, looking away and pretending to check the time.]

Thanks.

[If neither of them acknowledges the awkwardness it'll totally go away in a second, right?]

[In an ideal world that would be amazing. ....but this world is pretty far from ideal, and oh god, Nill doesn't know what to do with this, so she still doesn't look at Yosuke. She's so ill-prepared for something like this...]

[Dont worry, Yosuke's got this. He makes a strange, wheezy sound suddenly, and thrashes as best he can. Ow, shit, ow! His eyes go wide, and he tries to make another sound, but nothing happens. Crap...]

[--oh my god what YOSUKE NO ARE YOU ACTUALLY CHOKING ON IT

Nill jumps up, hovering over him for a second and looking extremely panicked before she grabs the nurse call button off the bed and frantically starts pressing the button. God, why doesn't she have a voice, if she could just scream for them to come it'd be okay--]

[Yosuke might annoy the nurses a bit, but they're well aware that he can't and wouldn't abuse the call button that severely. Not just one, but three of them come in. While one calls for an emergency responder, another moves to guide Nill out of the room. The third one asks Yosuke if he's choking, and gets into place behind him to administer abdominal thrusts. Already, someone else is coming down the corridor. Apparently if you're going to choke, the hospital is a good place to go about it.]

[Oh my god. Oh my god. Nill just looks horrified, and the only reason the nurse gets her out of the room is because she doesn't know what else to do. What could she do, really?]

[The nurse is used to dealing with panicked loved ones, and steers Nill into a chair down the corridor. Behind them somewhere, Yosuke makes a disgusting wet, gurgling noise and wheezes. But it's a sound, which is all the nurse needs to hear to know he'll be fine. He coughs and gags and gurgles frantically for a few seconds, but it dies down. He's fine. Unfortunately, she gets the wrong idea. Yosuke's complained about the food enough, after all. So Nill gets a stern, professional lecture.]

He's not allowed to have solid foods. His throat isn't well, he could tear something in it. Do you understand?

[Nill is obviously pretty shaken and nearly on the verge of tears when the nurse sits her down, especially when she can still hear Yosuke choking just down the hall.

Why on earth hadn't he told her? Why was he going to have the nurse come and help him if he couldn't even have them? Why did he let her think he could have them?

Nill balls her hands into fists in her skirt, and she nods, hunching her shoulders forward.

Yosuke, if you were okay right now, she would slap you for doing that to her.]

Alright. I'll get you some tea, wait here. The doctor will want to see him before they let you back in.

[The nurse goes off. Fetching tea isn't her job, but she's adaptable to the situation. About ten minutes later she comes back with the tea as promised. Lavender, since Nill seems shaken up. She's also got another cup, which she hands over, too. Spice tea.]

No sugar. If he's still got voice to complain about that, you tell him Nurse Sa'ida says so.

[Nill takes the cups gratefully when the nurse returns, though she doesn't smile. She nods, because of course, she understands, and she'd tell him that, but... god, Yosuke. How stupid could you be? And why on earth wouldn't he tell her?

But of course, Nill can't really explain herself. She can't mutter and make up excuses. There must have been signs that she should have seen, something. He may even have been thinking about it, and she just didn't understand, wasn't paying enough attention. So she bows her head slightly, and glances back towards Yosuke's room, before looking up at the nurse again. Could she go back in now?]

[The nurse raises an eyebrow at the silent inquiry, but she ducks in to check on the progress of things. She holds a finger up signalling Nill to wait for a moment while something or another is finished up in there, but as soon as she gets the okay from the doctor on her way out, Sa'ida waves Nill back into the room.]

[Yosuke is in a new set of scrubs, looking a little wan and sheepish, but not much worse for the wear. The big male nurse is just readjusting him on the bed to the position he was in before, which makes Yosuke grimace and cringe and curse in his head, but it only takes a few seconds and then he's settled, and he relaxes. He's even tired in his thoughts now, but not too tired to break the tension with a playful comment.]

Okay, that hurt.

[Nill waits as she's told, gingerly sipping at her tea just once to keep herself busy.

But she steps quietly back into the room when the nurse gestures for her. And she waits again until the large nurse leaves before she takes up her original seat, setting both of the tea cups in her hands aside.]

Good.

[On second thought, she picks up her own cup again, and sips at it. She is definitely not looking at Yosuke.]

You should have told me you aren't supposed to eat anything.

What's that got to do with anything?

[He yawns, clearly not suffering from any attack of conscious here, and then grimaces. Ow. Yawning hurts too. That's so lame.]

[At that, Nill lifts her head, and she outright glares at him, her wings flaring out and standing up against her back.]

You could have suffocated! All because of-- [Ugh. No, not that.] Because of a stupid lozenge! And because you didn't tell me!

Tell you what? I don't know I would breathe it in like that til it was already in there.

[He's not nearly as interested in the conversation at hand -you know, that thing about him nearly dying- as he is by what Nill's wings happen to be doing at the moment. すごい! ...Wait, she seems kinda pissed, though. What's that about?]

[But he forgets it right away again, back to being fascinated by her feathers. He misses being able to brush his fingers over them. They're so cute and soft and charming.]

Wanna watch てっrび、翼n？

[He chuckles at his own bad pun, unaware that Nill probably won't understand it. Jeez, ow. Laughing really is the worst, even if it's quietly.]

It's probably really bad in the daytime. We can make fun of it.

You should have told me. I wouldn't have given it to you. [He could have died because she'd done something stupid.

...Nill doesn't get it at all. There were several words in there that she just could not understand. The sentiment behind them was generally good, but.... nope. Not a clue otherwise.

His praise of her makes her more uncomfortable than usual though, and she looks away from him, shaking her head.]

I don't know what it is.

[She takes another sip from her tea cup, and sets it beside Yosuke's.]

...Don't-- ever do that to me again.

[Though her expression is still angry and her wings are still flared out behind her, they've startled to tremble. She's not letting it go, can't. The idea that he'd nearly died because of something she'd done, and because of something so stupid, was unbearable.]

The lozenge? No, it's okay. You did it good. I just...breathed it somehow.

[The wing thing isn't as cool when Nill starts to shake. Even as off his face as Yosuke is, he notices that. The same futile twitch while he tries to reach for her again and fails. Frustrated, he shoves the only good feeling he has to share at her-the way the morphine dulls pain. Sure it itches, and puts a funny taste in his throat (unless that's blood, eugh) and makes his brain empty and useless, but it feels happy and dizzy and soft too, right? Like hiding under the blankets when you're a kid and you have a bad dream. Warm and enveloped.]

[The sudden feeling actually catches Nill really off guard, and for a moment she sways in her chair, trying to adjust to this sudden, light feeling. But it feels... nice. Really nice, actually. Nicer than a lot of things she's felt in a long time, and almost just as good as the warm feeling Yosuke tended to exude at her. Definitely better than the weed.

Nill's wings slowly move back down to rest against her back, and Nill leans her arm against the chair of the seat, exhaling slowly. It was disorienting and strange, and she couldn't think of a thing to say about Yosuke's stupidity anymore, or how awful that had been, or how terrifying... she didn't feel all that afraid anymore, either. It felt too nice for that... was this really the stuff they were giving Yosuke so that it didn't hurt?

It made the phantom pains in her chest from the bullet fade, too, which was nice. Everything about it was just-- so nice. Warmer and safer than she'd felt in a damn long time.]

[Seeing Nill relax, Yosuke finally let his weight rest on the pillows again, and sank into them with relief. He hadn't even been sitting forward, just tensing his spine a bit and partially holding his head up, and even that was just...exhausting.]

[Were his eyes watering again? Crap. That's so annoying. It must just be from bumping his still healing nose during all the chaos or something. Obviously. 'Cause he's definitely not crying.]

[No way in hell is he crying. Except that something kicks its way forcefully out of his chest and up his throat -aw man, is he going to puke? He really doesn't want Nill-san to see him puke. Ever. It's one thing for Uryuu or the doctor to watch, but a very different thing for Nill to-oh.]

[It's not vomit at all. It's a strangled, scared sound that he almost doesn't recognize through the stress and the exhaustion and the drug haze. But when it sinks in, he's even more miserable than he would be if he'd puked instead. He makes the sound again. Can't stop. Bends forward with the force of it and gurgles with the strain of trying to swallow the noises before someone hears. Before Nill hears...]

[No. Shit. SHIT. He is crying. And not just crying, either. Crying like Saki sempai died all over again. Crying like he was the night when the monster in the darkness with his face attacked him. Crying like the world is broken, and everything hurts and nothing can fix any of it. Totally sobbing, like a scared, miserable, heartbroken kid who just woke up from a nightmare and realized it had actually happened.]

[It's not stress or frustration or exhaustion like it was the other time Nill saw him upset. It's all of those things, and more. It's pain and pain and fear and loathing and misery and anxiety and anger. He's so furious he can't even wrap his mind around the feeling of it. He just bawls, hopelessly. Everything hurts, right down to the four corners of his soul. And there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]

[And just like that, the safe and warm feeling is gone. For a moment, something angry and hurt rips through her, and she wants it back desperately-- god, she just wants to feel right again, and she hadn't in years. There were days it physically hurt to exist, and for just a moment that had actually made it better.

(Shika said hurting her soul was forever, but she didn't want forever, there were days she didn't even want tomorrow--)

Something is wrong though, and the anger dies down as quickly as it had risen up. Nill lifts her head, and she watches - just not knowing what to do - as Yosuke crumbles from the inside.

Nill stands up immediately, but she doesn't know what to do, how to help. Theoretically, she could make it better. Force happy thoughts and feelings and warmth on him until it just didn't hurt anymore. But she can't do that. He needed this. Nill would have died a thousand deaths to prevent him from ever needing this, but now he did, and taking that away would be horrible of her.

She thinks for a quarter of a second about how it might be giving him the wrong idea, but that's the most she entertains the thought before Nill moves to sit on the edge of the best. She wants to hug him, but she thinks that'd probably just end up hurting more.

So, Nill puts her hand over his, and she holds it - and she glances away, at least for the moment. He probably didn't want her seeing. But she was there, at least, and maybe that was enough.

(Souls are important. They're forever. They're everything. She knows that. She knows that it would be stupid to sell hers, even if she still had it.

But if the soul is the thing inside her that hurt so badly, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad not to have it anymore.)]

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