reassures | SIRENSPULL

[Seeing Nill relax, Yosuke finally let his weight rest on the pillows again, and sank into them with relief. He hadn't even been sitting forward, just tensing his spine a bit and partially holding his head up, and even that was just...exhausting.]

[Were his eyes watering again? Crap. That's so annoying. It must just be from bumping his still healing nose during all the chaos or something. Obviously. 'Cause he's definitely not crying.]

[No way in hell is he crying. Except that something kicks its way forcefully out of his chest and up his throat -aw man, is he going to puke? He really doesn't want Nill-san to see him puke. Ever. It's one thing for Uryuu or the doctor to watch, but a very different thing for Nill to-oh.]

[It's not vomit at all. It's a strangled, scared sound that he almost doesn't recognize through the stress and the exhaustion and the drug haze. But when it sinks in, he's even more miserable than he would be if he'd puked instead. He makes the sound again. Can't stop. Bends forward with the force of it and gurgles with the strain of trying to swallow the noises before someone hears. Before Nill hears...]

[No. Shit. SHIT. He is crying. And not just crying, either. Crying like Saki sempai died all over again. Crying like he was the night when the monster in the darkness with his face attacked him. Crying like the world is broken, and everything hurts and nothing can fix any of it. Totally sobbing, like a scared, miserable, heartbroken kid who just woke up from a nightmare and realized it had actually happened.]

[It's not stress or frustration or exhaustion like it was the other time Nill saw him upset. It's all of those things, and more. It's pain and pain and fear and loathing and misery and anxiety and anger. He's so furious he can't even wrap his mind around the feeling of it. He just bawls, hopelessly. Everything hurts, right down to the four corners of his soul. And there's not a damned thing he can do about it.]

[And just like that, the safe and warm feeling is gone. For a moment, something angry and hurt rips through her, and she wants it back desperately-- god, she just wants to feel right again, and she hadn't in years. There were days it physically hurt to exist, and for just a moment that had actually made it better.

(Shika said hurting her soul was forever, but she didn't want forever, there were days she didn't even want tomorrow--)

Something is wrong though, and the anger dies down as quickly as it had risen up. Nill lifts her head, and she watches - just not knowing what to do - as Yosuke crumbles from the inside.

Nill stands up immediately, but she doesn't know what to do, how to help. Theoretically, she could make it better. Force happy thoughts and feelings and warmth on him until it just didn't hurt anymore. But she can't do that. He needed this. Nill would have died a thousand deaths to prevent him from ever needing this, but now he did, and taking that away would be horrible of her.

She thinks for a quarter of a second about how it might be giving him the wrong idea, but that's the most she entertains the thought before Nill moves to sit on the edge of the best. She wants to hug him, but she thinks that'd probably just end up hurting more.

So, Nill puts her hand over his, and she holds it - and she glances away, at least for the moment. He probably didn't want her seeing. But she was there, at least, and maybe that was enough.

(Souls are important. They're forever. They're everything. She knows that. She knows that it would be stupid to sell hers, even if she still had it.

But if the soul is the thing inside her that hurt so badly, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad not to have it anymore.)]

[Ordinarily, Nill taking his hand would register with Yosuke as the most important thing going on at any given moment. But it doesn't even register with him at all right now. He's making weird miserable wheezing sounds, and spitting a little, and not getting enough oxygen, but none of that matters either.]

[It's probably why a nurse runs in, though, looking a little tired herself already. She takes the oxygen line from around his shoulders and removes it from his nostrils, replacing it with an oxygen mask. Yosuke pants and sobs and gurgles a bit more, but there are flecks of blood in the mask now. His throat has apparently had enough.]

[Which is probably why the nurse pages the doctor back again. Yosuke's starting to breathe easily with the oxygen mask, at least. It's at this point that he notices Nill, and twitches his fingers against her hand the best he can. He might be trying to reassure her, or he might just be trying to keep some tentative grasp on reality, trying to anchor himself down with her yet again. It's probably a bit of both.]

[He doesn't get a lot of chance to think it over, though. Things still hurt, somehow even more on the inside than the outside -and his outsides hurt- but the doctor is already administering a syringe of something, right into his IV line. It hits quickly, and it hits hard. Within a few minutes, his sobs are slower and quieter, if still just as miserable.]

[The woes of Nill's soul are still a secret to Yosuke, who can't listen in on her thoughts in return. It isn't that he's not aware she's sad...no, that he's always been able to tell. But the depths of it would surprise him, and trouble him profoundly. What kind of guy just lets his happy thought walk around feeling miserable all of the time, after all? But at the moment, it's hardly a thought that crosses his mind. He's too busy trying to purge the whole awful thing from himself, the only way that his body knows how.]

[The doctor scribbles some things into Yosuke's chart and hands it back to the nurse, then leaves again. The nurse folds the chart under her arm of the hand that's holding the mask, and rubs Yosuke's back gently with the other. But it's Nill she addresses first.]

What happened? Was he discussing the abduction?

Edited 2012-08-10 08:44 (UTC)

[Nill would never let him figure out just how sad she is. How miserable. Lately it's started to turn to anger, which has at least given her something to help push her forward when before there was next to nothing, and that will get her by for a long while yet. Not long enough, but for awhile.

...If Nill can keep him anchored, though-- just make sure he has something he can hold onto when there's nothing else, then it's enough. She'll make it last for as long as Yosuke is there. She holds a little more tightly to his hand, even if it might hurt, and lets the doctors do their thing. But when she looks at him, she doesn't look away this time.

Something deep in her gut wants to spit bile and hatred at the doctor, though, even though she knows it's for the best. She knows, and yet for a moment she's so unimaginably angry that she can feel it in her toes, her finger tips. For an instant, and the first time in her life, Nill hates everything for letting this happen to Yosuke. Maybe even a little more than she hates herself.

She shakes her head in response to the nurse, and waves her hand away so that Nill can hug Yosuke now that he's calmed down a little, even if it was just because of the drugs. No. not the abduction. But Nill doesn't feel like paying enough attention to the nurse to answer her properly, when Yosuke is so much more important.]

[The nurse frowns at Nill a little, but she doesn't try to stop her from moving closer to Yosuke, just watches for his reaction. Yosuke doesn't react much -that's the drugs at work, too- not even by trying to hide his face like he normally would. He glances over a little warily at the movement beside him, but when he sees that it's Nill, he seems willing to allow her whatever approach she likes.]

[Things are fuzzy around the edges already. Yosuke doesn't like it, but the nurse seems satisfied by it. The pain and panic are still there, but it's as if someone draped them in a cloak of heavy wool. It's impossible to feel the sharp edges now. Something about this kicks up a weird feling in Yosuke's stomach. Some strange, new kind of discomfort. It's bad enough not to be able to physically control most of his body, isn't it? But having all the emotions yanked unceremoniously and replaced with a full body exhaustion feels unfair. Wrong. Something deep and primal that's he's usually not aware of is disturbed by it.]

[The nurse however, sees his vitals stabilizing and comes to the conclusion that the injection helped. She makes some notes for the doctor and wonders what to have for lunch when she finally gets a break from looking after one of the nightmare patients. Big tragedies always have the staff working just a little too hard, after all. And this kid really shouldn't have the energy to keep giving her grief. A horse would be starting to sway on its feet with the combination of drugs in this kid's system. When his breathing starts to regulate again, she adjusts the mask in place and fastens it on for Yosuke. It'll make him sleepy, hopefully. And there had better still be cake in the cafeteria when she gets downstairs...]

Sorry...

[Nill has to resist the urge to glare at the nurse when she wants cake, of all things, and Yosuke was just sobbing a minute ago. But she knows that's just how it was, just how she handled things, and it's hard to hold it against her. So she lets the nurse do her thing, and she doesn't move, even when the nurse seems wary of letting her stay there.]

It's okay.

[He was allowed to be upset, had a right to. And she knows that the drugs are just more upsetting, but she can't bring herself to ask the nurse to stop them or give him less or anything like that.]

I don't know what that was. I'm fine, you know? Just tired.

[Tired is the wrong word, but he doesn't quite have a word for the way he feels. When he blinks, the timing feels off. Like he's slightly out of sync with the rest of the world. It's nauseating, and frustrating, and it kicks up a tiny wave of panic again somewhere under all the drugs. It can't break through the muffler surrounding his consciousness, though, so it comes out in the form of another bout of shivering.]

[His nerves are so fried that his body can't even keep up with them, apparently. Yosuke closes his eyes, and leans back, forgetting to warn Nill that he's going to move. But he doesn't feel well, and staying upright is too hard. Hopefully she gets her arm out of the way in time. If not, then she'll have to squirm out of the impromptu accidental cuddle on her own. He's pretty useless to help her at the moment.]

I need my headphones. I can't...can't blink right. My eyes are...I don't know. It feels bad. I think I can listen it away.

Edited 2012-08-17 04:12 (UTC)

I know.

[It's fine, really. He doesn't need to worry about it, it wasn't even that bad. And it's not like she doesn't know that it wasn't a big deal.

She realizes he's leaning back in time though, and manages to let go of him before he lies down again. She'd... rather avoid a situation like that as much as possible, honestly. She doesn't want to give him any ideas.]

Where are they?

[These days there aren't any ideas to be had, that incident at the beach cleared it up pretty well. All the same, it's for the best. Yosuke may not be a big guy, but he's bigger than Nill, and it would probably be unpleasant to have him on her arm that way.]

You don't see them? Oh, man. Tell me I didn't lose them at...there.

[Nill's wings flutter a bit, and her eyes dart around the room. Were they really not here..? Had he lost them in the hunting grounds? Maybe one of the nurses would know... they'd definitely keep that if he showed up with it, wouldn't they?]

It's okay. I can find them.

[He tries to recall for a moment, the last time he's sure he was wearing them. In the cage, he definitely had them on, but...]

[He shivers again, and makes a weird, strangled sound. Suddenly the air feels cold in the room. Too cold. And he really, really can't lose his shit in front of Nill like that again. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, but that makes it worse. That makes it dark, like it was, when-]

[UGH, Hanamura, get a grip. He's wheezing a little again, and the monitors are starting to fluctuate more than they should. The nurse comes back in, exhausted, and gives Yosuke a disbelieving look. There's no way he should even be able to get his heart going that fast right now, drugged up as he is.]

[But Nill is there...Nill, who was in his head, giving him strength before. She's here now, too. Instinctively, he reaches out mentally again. He needs to calm down, he needs to not scare her or freak her out or thinki about those things. Nill doesn't need that in her head, either.]

Okay. I'll just...wait.

[Nill glances at the nurse when she comes in, and sort of shrugs one of her shoulders the slightest bit. Sorry, ma'am, but he'll probably be like this for a long while yet. It wasn't really the sort of thing that you got over.]

It's okay, Yosuke.

[He was safe here, and she wouldn't let anyone get him. But she puts her hand lightly over his, and tries to put a calming sort of presence in his head. Just to try to help him relax, and hopefully push away the bad thoughts.]

I'll find them a little later.

[Though she reaches in her pocket and pulls out her NV with one hand, typing up a message before holding it up for the nurse to see.]

Did he come in with a pair of headphones? Just nod yes or no-- I don't want to upset him if they aren't here.

[Yosuke makes a few more strange sounds. He doesn't know why, but like the shivering, it's too hard to repress. He's too tired to fight it, and not even sure what he's battling. It's embarrassing, but he can't stop either of them. The nurse dutifully grabs another blanket for him, as she's glancing at Nill's message.]

[Oh, so the girl isn't quiet. She's mute. But yeah, there were headphones all right. They were in an evidence bag, though. After debating for a moment, the nurse shakes her head. No is the easiest response. That way she won't get them asking after them and discovering they're not useable anyway. And caked in blood besides.]

[The touch from Nill makes Yosuke start again, and his heart monitor leaps. But he settles down a bit as the calmness begins to seep in, and shoots her a grateful look. The doctor comes back in along with another nurse, the big one from before who had been monitoring Yosuke's vitals. They frown a little, and the doctor scribbles something on his chart again. She doesn't say anything, but she smiles at Nill and Yosuke before she leaves again.]

[Oh... so they were left in that sort of state. It was probably better not to try to get a hold of them, if that was the case. They'd probably just be a bad reminder, and it would be a miracle if they still worked. She offers the nurse a brief flicker of a smile as thanks, and then turns her attention to Yosuke again, ignoring the doctor and that comes into the room. They don't really matter that much. What mattered was making Yosuke feel like the world wasn't falling apart, and she could offer enough of that feeling that he wasn't drowning immediately. Just enough to calm down now that he wanted to.]

I don't think I can get them for you now. It might take a day or two, but I'll get them.

[She had at least some idea of the brand he liked, and she had pictures on her NV to use as reference. It was enough.]

Thanks.

[Some other day he might say that Nill didn't have to. Or point out that he'd lost them in the first place -though something about that didn't sound right either- but at the moment it's just reassuring that someone else thinks they're important, too.]

[Nill's calming influence really does help. So much so that Yosuke barely even gives a resentful glance to the big nurse, who is following doctor's orders and injecting yet another something or other that's probably meant to do just what Nill's doing without screwing with his chemical balance. Ugh.]

[The next thing Yosuke says, he would normally know better than to mention. But the last drug is clearly a sedative. His eyes feel heavy only a few minutes after, and it seems like a gargantuan but important effort to help Nill with the task she's volunteered for.]

There's another pair. In the back of the closet...under...under everything. In a box. Don't -don't read those magazines okay? They're not mine. Not...there's another pair. But they're broken. Alright? They're not mine but they...I have them.

[A box? ...Nill has to take a moment to resist the urge to make a face. If he kept those sorts of magazines back there, why was he telling her to find a box?

But... why would he have a broken pair of headphones like that, anyway?

It doesn't add up, but Nill nods a little, and offers a small smile.]

Alright. Thank you.

[If nothing else, she could take the broken pair to a store so that she could be sure she got the kind he liked, so it wouldn't be a worthless effort. Yosuke should probably get some rest now anyway, so she could go take care of that after this.]

[The idea of sleep doesn't sit well with him. The subconscious is an unreliable thing, and it's easy to imagine an endless cycle of panic and drugs. But there's nothing he can do to fight it. He's never been good with medication. Cough syrup usually knocks him out, and he's fairly sure it's only pent up adrenaline that's kept him going this long. Reluctantly, he stops fighting to keep his eyes open. It's even more reluctantly that he stops thinking at Nill, but there's nothing to do about that, either. His brain just won't cooperate any more. It's like slamming a wall down on his consciousness. He's drifting already...damn it...]

[Nill tries to push more of that relaxed feeling into his head, just the slightest bit. Just enough that maybe he won't fall asleep scared of whatever kind of things that might try to get him in his dreams. She won't actually leave until he's nice and out though, and then... it's off to find that box.]

[It doesn't take long at all. To the nurses' relief and Yosuke's dismay, he's out cold again in a few minutes. But at least it was a soothing send off. And just in time, too. The cafeteria was starting to run low on cake.]

SIRENSPULL - contact.

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autocorrect stop

but it loves you :c

it really kinda does.

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